wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
