My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
