I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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