I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
