even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
