all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
