Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
