I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
