Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Less talking, more tequila
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
