dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
