i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
