Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
