She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
