wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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