i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Randomize
