Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
