Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
