you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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