LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
