Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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