The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
