why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
