White coat. Heels.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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