It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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