Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
