Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
