I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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