Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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