At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
