Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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