OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
