Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
