She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
