I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
