The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
