3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
