I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
