so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
