I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
