she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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