totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
