I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
