Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
