Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
The power of my boobs compel you
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
