At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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