if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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