ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
