She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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