Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
