I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
