What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
